This is going to be a post of my random thoughts. I had started to read a book series from Shayla Black and I couldn’t stop with just one, I pushed on and read all 8. Wow! I loved all the books! But now I’m questioning even more. Am I meant to be a sub? Should I even be delving more into the lifestyle? I just want it proven to me if I’m a sub, a Domme, a switch or that I should just stick to vanilla. When I was released, I was so hurt and my emotions were all over the place. It was a horrible time for me and I barely hung on. I even was ready to give up on even thinking about BDSM. But I knew better than to make such an important decision when I was hurt. So I held off on making any decision and I’m glad I didn’t. Especially since reading those books. They pulled me in and made me yearn for more. I want to be trained but by a Mentor Dom. I’m not ready to trust anyone enough to enter into a contract. But one thing that would be a requirement of a Mentor Dom is that they have to have an open mind with no judgement. I want to search for a Dom who would mentor me but I don’t know where to start. A certain friend, (you know who you are 😉 ) said that I should look in groups but I can be shy so I’m hesitant to do that. I’m still a newbie but I want to know more. The need is starting to take over and I’m afraid that soon I’ll just throw caution to the wind. So I’m tamping it down, waiting for that moment to arrive. You know, that moment where you just know that its mean to be. But should I ask for a Mentor Dom or let them offer?